Late Night Thoughts

Happiness is the easy emotion. It's simple. No one questions why you're happy. You're happy? That's fantastic! I love seeing you smile. Happiness looks good on you. I'm happy you're happy. 

Questions start when you're not happy. What's wrong? Are you sad? Are you angry? Why aren't you happy? What's wrong with your life? You have this... you have that... why aren't you greatful... there's no reason to be sad... People out there have it so much worse than you... You're not allowed to be sad... People out there are dying and you're crying for no reason... Stop being selfish... You're fine...

People are allowed to be sad. Comparing someone's pain to others pain, in no way lessons said persons pain. Oh you broke your arm? Well it doesn't hurt that bad because that person over there broke BOTH arms. Life and physical pain doesn't work like that, so why should emotional pain? Better yet, emotional and physical pain can not be compared on the same scale of "which is worse".

You want to be sad? Go for it. Be sad. Sadness is a complicated emotion that people always seem to have to answer to. Next time you're sad and don't want to tell anyone why (whether it be because you don't exactly know why or you just don't feel like sharing) then be sad and let your emotions out. It's okay and unless you want it to be people's business, it isn't. 

I'm sad right now and as much as it hurts and sucks, it's okay to feel things. We're human. We have bad days and good days and get sad over small things and and over big things. 

You know why? Because that's life. 

University Life Lessons

So for those of you who don't know me or are unaware, I am currently a first year university student at the lovely Macquarie University here in Australia. I have completed my first semester and last week I have just started back for my second semester. I am studying a Bachelor of Commerce with a major in Marketing and I am pretty confident in saying that I enjoy what I do. I thought I would make this blog post to share some of my first hand experience, advice, fears, things I have learnt and other random facts about university life that I have learnt from my time at uni so far. 

It's okay for one of your main goals at the start of your university life to be "I want to make friends"-

Hell this was all I wanted when I started university. I was fresh out of the worst years of my life aka high school and I had left (well the same way I had started and lived through most of high school) with basically no friends. Uni was a fresh start and a way to show myself as the new person I am (more mature and just an all round nicer, happier person) and make new friends.

But on the same note, it's totally okay not to have friends everywhere you turn and not to become friends with everyone you speak to- 

This one was a big thing for me to come to terms with. Though all I wanted was to make new friends that I could hang out with on weekends and have coffee with at uni, I have made very few of these "proper" friends. I have one amazing friend that I see all the time outside of uni and a handful that I am happy to hang out with at uni when we are there together and make good conversation. However I've learnt that it's okay not to have friends in every single class you take and know everyone around you (considering my degree is massive and there are literally thousands upon thousands of us it would be a bit odd if I did know everyone). Also not everyone you speak to is going to be a good friend to you or be suitable to be your friend. You need to get to know people and figure out if you're compatible and remember that not everyone may be as nice as you are.  

You're still going to be figuring yourself out- 

Although you may believe you've enrolled in a university course and you're a legal adult (most of us are 18 when we enter uni) that we should have our lives sorted and know who we are and know this is what we want to do. Wrong. From my experiences university is the whole process of getting to completely understand who you are as a person and figure out where you want your life to take you. Sure, the whole time isn't for figuring out what you want to study (otherwise you'd never get anywhere) but it is for figuring out what you want to do after you study and the person that you want to be!

University classes and expectations are literally nothing like what you experience at high school- 

Ahh the joys of being thrown into the unknown. And not the shallow kiddies pool (because we are not children anymore in education that we are being forced to have *sigh*) but thrown with full force in the deepest part of the Ocean with the sharks (well so to speak anyway). There is no "easing" into the subjects or hand holding when you don't know what to do. You want to know how to do something (now depending on your tutors and lecturers help may vary) you have to go out of your way and schedule time to ask questions or send emails that may not always give detailed responses. Then when you get the answer you can still have no idea what you're doing. Hands up to anyone who can relate to this? Because I know this is exactly how I have felt starting each subject even this semester. 

It's okay to fail a class-

This one hits hard. At the start of university I was so convinced I would could not fail anything because "it's a lot of money" and it's a "waste of time to do it if I fail" and that "I wouldn't get anywhere in life if I fail a class" (okay the last one is a tad dramatic, but in all honesty it is how you can feel). But let me tell you something now from personal experience, it's okay to fail a class. Life does go on. The sun will still come out everyday and you will be okay. Of course it is a horrible feeling when you get your results after studying like crazy (or not so crazy for some classes in my case- which may I point out is why I failed) and you look down the list and see that big fat F. It's not a good feeling, but you didn't take away nothing from failing that class did you? You will still have learnt course material (more than you may think) and most importantly you've learnt where you went wrong and what you have to do better next time to ensure success.

*Side note- if you fail a class twice, life will still go on and you will still be okay. You just may need to identify the areas that you go wrong and get that extra help to pass the class*

Ignoring your friends/family/relationship and only focusing on University is a horrible idea-

Well, I know many of us can be culprits to this. There's a lot that can affect us ignoring people around us that we care about (I know the main factors for me are stress and anxiety), but it's important to not get overwhelmed by the workload. Make time to have lunch with your friends and hang out with your family. Spend an hour studying and then take the rest of the night off to go see a movie with your boyfriend. You need to make time for the important people in your life just as much as you need to finish your assignments and study for that test. But I promise you, the world isn't going to end if you take a few hours off doing assignments or studying to catch up with your friends and have some social interaction. We all need that and it's one of my regrets during the first semester of uni because I felt like I had to stay home all the time instead of being social because I put myself under a lot of stress. I missed out on a lot of things and I'm happy now I can finally start making up that time with my beautiful friends that I drifted from at the start of the year. 

It is absolutely vital for you to have 'me time'-

I am a major culprit of not making any 'me time'. I was always so busy focusing on homework and assignments, spending time with my family, working and spending all of my free time with my boyfriend (I rarely saw my friends as mentioned above) that I didn't have any time to myself. And trust me, it takes a toll on you and people will notice. You are treating your mind with the education, but you need to remember to treat your body and your soul as well. Read a book, go for a walk, take a yoga class, fly a kite, jump in your car and drive somewhere you love by yourself while listening to your favourite music. Whatever it is just do something for you. You won't regret it, trust me.

Coffee will essentially save your life most days-

When you've had two hours sleep because you thought it was a good idea to go out all night when you had 2 assignments due the next day, that you then had to pull an all-nighter for (probably not the best idea)... Coffee will save you when you feel like death the next day

Buy second hand textbooks (when possible)-

Trust me on this one, you will save a small fortune. Most of the time the previous editions of the textbook for your classes will work just as well as the brand new edition and you are able to source them on the Internet or from flyers around your uni for a fraction of the price. If you're like me and doing a Commerce degree, you will know that on average a textbook costs around the $150 mark. As well as buying them second hand, once you've finished the course if you no longer need them, re-sell them to other students in need and you will have some extra cash handy to help purchase your next round of textbooks (or if you're like me it will be used for alcohol the night your exams finish to party and forget about everything you've just done).

So that is all I can think of right now that I have personally experienced or learnt. Of course there are other things I should have learnt like

1. Don't procrastinate
2. Listen to the recommended 10 hours per subject study time a week
3. Trying to park at uni and drive in peak hour traffic is the worst idea I'll ever have

well I'm sure you get the general idea. BUT I haven't managed to fully comprehend these things yet, so it would be a lie to put them as part of my advice and lessons learnt. 

Thank you for reading!

Time to Move Out

Hey everyone!

Well this little experience of living with my boyfriend has come to a close. I'll miss getting to wake up with him everyday and go to sleep every night, but there are many things that I will defiantly not miss, which is part of what makes up why I don't think young couples should live together in their own home (well as young as I am anyway- with exceptions of course, but for the most part no).

This weekend was honestly pretty crappy. Not because I did crappy things or was with crappy people but because I am so sick, it just ruined everything. And I haven't gotten over my sickness yet either which is making me sad for my upcoming week.

Saturday
I was finally so happy it was the weekend, but I still had to get up early (early mornings never end do they?) and drive into uni to sell a textbook (at least I made $80).  I didn't end up playing netball again  this week because I'm still sick with, well I don't really know how to classify my sickness apart from the fact my throat hurts so badly I can barely speak and that when I run or even walk fast my chest hurts. Kieran and I had lunch together at the shops and I bought spray tan (I'm over Winter, I'm over the cold and I am definitely so over being as pale white as I am). I tanned my legs when we got home to test it and then Kieran and I went our separate ways for the start of the evening.

Kieran went to the Greyhound track with some of his friends and I was going into the city with mine. I didn't have the best night because of how sick I was. I wasn't feeling too bad before I went out and I thought I would be fine but wooooooow I have never been so wrong about anything in my life. I felt worse because Kieran came and met me in the city because he was near, and being a boy he has to pay to get in places (I love that girls and students can get free/discounted entry, but felt horrible for him that he had to pay for things he wasn't going to enjoy). I also feel bad that I kinda stuffed a few people around because I was so sick and for this my beautiful friends I am sorry and I have learnt my lesson when you are sick, just stay home.

before heading into the city w/ Jess

awkward photo of Kieran and myself at Scary Canary (courtesy of Jess)

I was happy when we got Maccas on the way home but I was so disappointed when we were told there is no loose change menu after midnight. That literally shattered my poor little heart. All I wanted to eat was a small fries and big mac sauce (should cost $1.50) but nope no loose change menu *crying*. By the time we arrived at my house it was nearly 3am and I came to discover my mum had not left keys for me so I was locked out. Sooo we woke her up to get inside and even though I was so tired, I had no sleep (I can never sleep when I'm this sick). Kieran the lucky boy slept as soon as we got home until 11am.

Sunday
We had a late breakfast of toast, then went to the shops because there was honestly nothing better to do today. Neither of us were in the mood for a long trip and sadly there were no good movies out at the moment, so we just went out for lunch (really should stop doing this, need to eat food at home). I helped clean Kieran's house before his family got home (I hate cleaning and I am so sick of this) and then he took me home.

of course it was chicken snitzel and chips w/ gravy

I didn't join him at the BMX track in the afternoon because it was getting too cold and I wasn't in the mood to sit out there whilst sick. His family got back from their holiday tonight, so Kieran and I have gone our separate ways. I couldn't eat my favourite dinner of lasagne cooked by my mum because my throat hurt too much to eat, so I am currently in my room sulking writing this post.

Experience
So I'm not exactly 'moving out' because we never actually lived together, but I have taken all my stuff home from his house and now life continues as normal. I'm glad to have my own space again and it's going to be nice not to sleep next to someone who is a 'bed hog' and talks in their sleep (only sometimes but lol sorry Kieran you do and it's annoying). Things I will not miss about living alone together at this age include:

• me doing all the cleaning and washing
• waking up early every morning because my boyfriend is noisy getting ready for work
• not having my own space
• and I'm sure there is other things but I feel this post is me complaining too much (I must be in a bad mood right now and for that readers I am sorry)

Thanks for reading and until next post,
♡ Stelle

Living Together: Work and Study = Exhaustion

Hey everyone!

Sorry I didn't really keep up with posting every other day about this little experience of living with my boyfriend. When I left off it was Monday morning (last thing I wrote about was the weekend) and ever since then I have been so busy and life has just gotten so full on. Not that many interesting things have happened over this week of living together, but let me just fill you in on what I/we have been up to since Monday.

Monday
My first day back at University. Early starts for both me and my boyfriend this day. I had work to do already when I got home, basically just getting myself organised for the classes next week. Mondays consist of Market Research lectures and tutorials and Consumer Behaviour lectures and tutorials. Thank goodness I didn't have tutorials this week because it would have just been too full on for me. Kieran worked really late so I had dinner at home with my family and then I went over his house when he got home (I think it was about 9pm). We watched TV for a bit together and then fell asleep.

Tuesday
Second day back at uni, but I didn't have to be there until about 2pm because I only had a lecture that day because none of my tutorials run the first week. Tuesday's at uni for me are dedicated to Accounting For Decision Making, aka the Accounting class that is required for all Commerce students to take but for all of us who don't care/don't want to be an accountant.

I got up early in the morning anyway though to help Kieran get ready for work, I packed his lunch and then said bye to him. When he left, I went back to sleep for an hour or so. I then did the washing up, cleaned up my make up in the bathroom after a shower and made the bed. I don't mind cleaning up after both of us, because I know he has hard and long days at work. I drove to uni today because I didn't have to be there for long and I went to my own house afterwards. Kieran didn't finish too late tonight, so we went grocery shopping together and he cooked dinner and I cleaned up. As he said "we are the perfect team". We then watched Fired Up! but like usual he fell asleep about 30 minutes into the movie.

Wednesday
Last day of Uni for the week for me. Had a 12pm lecture, but I was catching public transport today so I had to get up and ready the same time Kieran was leaving for work, otherwise I wouldn't get out of bed at all. Wednesday's at uni are dedicated to Microeconomics (sigh) but at least I have lots of friends in my classes (about time). After class, my friend Jess and I went to El Jannah on our way home (the greatest food ever) but the trains stuffed us around and we got home really late. I went to my house and got ready for work because I decided to pick up and extra shift. Work was boring and afterwards I went to Kieran's house and just went straight to bed. It was about 12:30am when I got home and he had been asleep since about 9pm but that's alright.

Thursday
I seriously thought it was the end of the week by now. I can feel how tired I'm gonna be after 3 days in a row at uni. Last semester I went Monday, Thursday and Friday so it was the end of the week when I finished. Now it feels like the week should be over by Wednesday. I had a job interview today for a second job at Wet n Wild Sydney (feels like a pretty cool job to me) and other than that I took some time to myself to do some things I hadn't really had time to do lately (watch some TV and take a nap). I woke up really not feeling well and by the end of the day I had a horrid migraine and sore throat. Kieran came to my house for dinner because my mum was cooking and then we went back to his house.

Friday 
Ahh, finally the end of the week. It's just after 1pm and I'm writing this post as I wait for this load of washing to finish before I can hang it out. I got an email today regarding the job interview I went for yesterday and I got the job! so that's pretty cool! So far today I have done some washing, caught up on the latest Teen Mom 2 episode and cleaned up (again) around Kieran's house before coming home (my house has wifi and his doesn't- which is the main reason I got out of bed to come here). My plan for the rest of the day is to finish off the washing, do my accounting homework and then tonight I have work. Not too sure if I'll go back to Kieran's, but I probably will.

Thanks for reading everyone, even though my life is thoroughly uninteresting right now, I thought I'd post because I said I would. And even though I have literally no plans for the weekend (other than selling a textbook and playing netball) I couldn't be more thankful that it's Saturday tomorrow.
Until next time!
♡ Stelle

Live together, party together

Hey everyone!

So first let me just say I drafted most of this post on the train this morning on my phone, but for some unknown (and incredibly annoying) reason, it decided it would not save the draft and I would end up at home re-writing the entire thing #cool

When I last left off everything was going well and it was Friday. It's now Monday so I have the weekend to catch up for!

Day 4
Saturday! Once again, Kieran woke me up waaay too early for my liking (6:30am) because he made me set my alarm for him because at the time 'his phone was too far away to reach and was too much effort'. I wasn't moving out of bed for anything so he left me there and went to work and I went back to sleep. Several hours later (at about 10:30am) I get a phone call waking me up, of course it was Kieran telling me he's on his way home and I better be out of bed. He gets back, I'm still half dead but he gets me up by letting me know that "if I'm awake and have energy then YOU should be too". 

I wasn't feeling too well so I didn't end up playing netball, but there was a few errands that we needed to do instead anyway. First I got dragged off to Bunnings. Now fun fact #1 about me is that I despise Bunnings. I think it has something to do with the smell and the fact that it's just full of items for around the house and fixing things, which is something I do not care for one bit and yes I am about to label it "boy stuff". We got the infamous Bunnings sausage sizzles first, then Kieran bought a bunch of stuff for work. He likes to make fun of me and tell me "hey Stelle look out for blah blah blah" and of course I have no idea what he is talking about (I can't even make up a name of something I had to 'look' for, for this post lol). 

After a boring Bunnings trip, we had to go to the shops because Kieran being the unorganised human he is, hadn't bought a present for the girl who's party he was attending that night. And again in typical Kieran fashion, he had no idea what to buy- which is where I come in. I picked out a nice clutch purse and a couple of other smaller items, which I had to wrap everything and write the card. Later that evening Kieran even tried taking credit for picking out the present, but no one believed him (shows his friends now his capabilities) and a message to say thanks to me was to be passed along. 

Once shopping was complete, we headed home and put on Cars 2 to chill out before I had to leave and get ready for a party (different party than the one Kieran was going to that night). Oh I have to mention I bought a super cute pencil case for uni while I was shopping and that Kieran the cutie bought me a present because I pointed it out in a shop and said it was cute (before I walked away and kept searching for something for the person we were actually shopping for). I had just paid for what I bought and then he let me know he bought the necklace I liked and gave it to me because "it would look really cute on me and because I like flowers".

I enjoyed the party I went to, it was a crazy night! At first I was a bit lonely because I'm used to walking around holding Kieran's hand as we talk to people or I just have a sense of comfort knowing he is near me (somewhere), but I got over it and had a blast. He had a good night at his party too, he told me bits and pieces that were funny and he picked me up on his way home. Apparently I am the most annoying person to sleep next to, because I will say goodnight like 20 times but continue talking (whatever nonsense is in my mind at the time) and I don't stop. So I guess that's something Kieran doesn't like about living with me. 

me during the party (I'm tan!)

Day 5
I love Sunday's. Especially now that I am going to lack sleep daily because I am back in the routine of things from this weekend onwards. I love knowing that Sunday is the one day of the week that I (normally) don't have to do anything and I can stay in bed that little bit longer and lounge around during the day. That is exactly what Kieran and I did this morning. When we finally got up, it was because we were hungry. He even cooked me breakfast this morning which was lovely, because Sunday breakfast is usually what I do for us. 

We did stuff around the house for the first part of the day after breakfast. I helped him with some washing, I washed the dishes and he dried up. I've been making the bed whilst trying to keep all my clothes in a neat(ish) pile. The part of the house I would say is the single most difficult to keep tidy and 'organised' is the bathroom. For some reason I have so much bathroom stuff! Should probably work on that because I know it irritates me walking into the bathroom to find the toilet seat left up (ugh I'm so sick of that).

Kieran called a friend and we ended up going to a BMX riding track. His friend brought along his girlfriend so I had someone to talk to at least while the boys rode their bikes. After it got too cold and the boys were too tired, Kieran and I went to the shops to get an extremely late lunch/early dinner of Butter Chicken and cheesy naan bread. This is literally one of the best things I have ever tasted and there are not even words to describe my love for this meal. After eating, I packed clothes etc. for that night and the next day.

Sunday night, what should we do? Go out of course. I decided to be designated driver even though I didn't really want to, but it is a good way of saving money so you aren't buying drinks when you're out (except for when you need to fill your car up with petrol). We went to a hotel place that's about 35-40 minute drive from home because Havana Brown was playing there. We took a friend with us so we weren't alone and met up with other friend's when we got there. It was an alright night except for the fact we were surrounded by an older crowd, I was pushed/shoved, my feet hurt from being trodden on so many times and the several feuds (almost fights) I was in/witnessed because Kieran has a short temper. The night ended with a quick stop at Maccas before I drove home because I was so hungry. 

literally my favourite photo of Kieran and I right now

I love Jess! She's such a fun person, the only way I sum it up is that I love Jess!

Havana Brown was really good! She looked so different than I thought she did for some reason though?? (Jess' photography here)

To sum this post up, all I have to say is that even though it is 'effort' I am thoroughly enjoying living with my boyfriend (and writing about my experiences) and I am going to be extremely disappointed when I have to start coming to my actual home every night and not going to sleep beside Kieran. I also need to point out that Kieran knows I'm writing about us living together for my blog and he asked what my blog was and I wouldn't tell him because he would probably tease me (not in a mean way, just an incredibly annoying way).

Until next time, thanks for reading!
♡ Stelle

Living Together and Sharing?

Hey everyone,

So I've lived through day two and day three (today) of 'living with my boyfriend'. Still not really able to spend an excessive amount of time with my boyfriend because he works full time. But I think that's a good thing. He works in the day and I do my own thing (whether it be see friends or soon to be university again etc.) then we hang out at night together and on the weekends (apart from when I have to work). We do everything together which is something I love.

Day 2
I did my own thing all day while Kieran was working, I didn't really accomplish much during the day except for showering (which is pretty impressive I must say) and then giving myself half a spray tan. Half way through my spray tan I realised I can't spray tan the back of my body. Shocking discovery made by myself, only after I'd done my legs and stomach (oh well I can't see my back).

It was one of my bestfriend's birthday today (she turned 19 so shoutout to you hehe) and she was having a bunch of friends together at the local leagues club for drinks in the night around 8pm. Kieran and I both knew I didn't feel like cooking and he clearly wasn't going to cook so we made a plan to go to the leagues club earlier together and have dinner and then meet my friends for drinks. Of course this plan didn't happen. Kieran had to work late (he normally finished just after 4pm and he ended up working until about 8:15pm) so I just went and met up with my friends and then he came and met up with us later. 

We all had a really good night, talking and laughing and drinking (obviously). Birthday girl kept trying to buy a round of drinks but c'mon, everyone knows you aren't meant to shout drinks on your birthday. As it was a Thursday night, it was open mic night at the leagues club but unfortunately no one could be tricked into getting up and singing this time. One of the girls did however organise for a special happy birthday (sung Marilyn Monroe style) to be sung with a shoutout to our birthday girl. It was pretty impressive even though he sung extremely sexually we got a good laugh out of it trying to embarrass the birthday girl a bit. 

Birthday drinks for Renee's 19th! (Amy left, me middle and Renee right)

We all had a really good night, enjoyed several rounds of cocktails because we were living on the fancier side of life (cosmopolitans and long island ice teas anyone?) and my poor boyfriend drank coke because he was designated driver this time. 

After all this was over, Kieran took my drunken butt home. Now the concept I want to touch on for this night together (at home) is sharing. I know in my mind that sharing is the proper thing to do (and I do share) but for some weird reason, I REALLY HATE SHARING! I feel like this is the first child problem (Kieran and I are both the older siblings) and even though we share everything, I can honestly say neither of us are overly thrilled at the thought of sharing with each other all the time. Some very good examples of this are:

• He doesn't want to share his bed (his space) with me- I sleep there (probably in the most annoying way) anyway
• Neither of us are too keen on sharing our food- we eat off each other's plates and steal each other's food (and I always drink his drink when we go out to lunch/dinner oops)
• I hate "sharing" my personal space- he will basically sit on top of me on the couch anyway

Those are some of the top things I know we hate about sharing. But I suppose they really do mean that sharing is caring? I've even had to borrow his toothbrush because I forgot mine and he didn't have a spare (I think that's pretty gross, but hey I had to brush my teeth somehow and it was funny hearing him say it was 'so yuck').

Day 3
We had to wake up early (6:30am) because it is only Friday and my lovely boyfriend had to go to work. Now let me just say, I am not a morning person. Waking up is the worst thing to happen to me everyday (so I suppose I'm pretty lucky that's the worst I go through on a daily basis). We got up and got ready for the day (me dressing in last nights clothes because my handbag was left in my car back at the leagues club that I was clearly very incapable of driving home the previous night) and him showering and getting ready for work. 

Another thing I noticed I actually find incredibly annoying about living with him. Well two things actually. The first is that he doesn't close the door when he goes to the toilet. So freaking annoying I can not stress this enough. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but like is it that complicated to close the door? The second thing is that if I'm in the bathroom (whether I'm using the toilet, showering, brushing my teeth or just any bathroom activity) he will walk right in and do what he needs to do. If I'm in the shower, please don't come in and use the toilet. Bathroom time is my alone time and he ruins it (it's funny writing this down but it is just so so true).

After we got ready for the morning, we went to get a lovely Maccas breakfast (second day in a row for me oops) and then quickly ate together before I returned to my car and he headed off to work. I came home and actually got ready for my day then eventually made my way to the shops to buy a bunch of stuff. Finally got around to getting my 'back to uni' supplies, more spray tan (no I will not give it up now, I'm finally tanning again), presents for previously mentioned birthday girl and food for dinner. 

I watched Teen Mom 2 and Pretty Little Liars when I got home and now I'm chilling writing this post waiting for my boyfriend to finish work. It's about 6pm and of course he is working late again. The plan tonight is for me to cook us steak, bacon and egg sandwiches when he gets home and have a movie night in bed. I know he will be tired (which means he won't watch more than 40 minutes of the movie anyway). 

So that was the last two days on living with my boyfriend and when I come to write these posts I actually realise we might actually be pretty boring (to other people) because we don't do overly much. Anyway we have fun so who cares?

Thanks for reading!
♡ Stelle