Sad

I don't really write much anymore. I don't write about things that are meaningful or all the fun adventures that I have with my beautiful boyfriend. In fact I don't really do much anymore. 

Some days I can't get out of bed. It's not that I don't want to (believe me I want to get out of bed, make a healthy meal and get outside in the sunshine and workout- or just do something), but I can't. I physically can not bring myself to wake up some mornings and get out of bed. I'll make myself think I'm not even hungry so it doesn't matter if I stay in bed until my mum or sister gets home that night. And it's not even that I'm asleep (I do sleep way too much though). Some days I can lay there for over an hour and just stare at the roof or the wall fighting with myself that I need to get up. 

For a change though I go to work. That's my life lately. Working and then staying in bed almost every moment I'm not at work. 

I've lost the ability to find happiness in those small things I wrote about a couple of months ago. I don't write meaningful things, I don't go on fun adventures with my love. I don't really do anything and that makes me really really sad. 

I know things will change and turn around eventually, so it will be okay. 

I'll get to be my happy adventurous self with my partner in crime. Visiting places, eating great foods and taking lots of pictures. But until then I just need to sleep it off. Get this bad place out of my head and shitty moods out of my system. I just need to feel alive again. 

Late Night Thoughts

Happiness is the easy emotion. It's simple. No one questions why you're happy. You're happy? That's fantastic! I love seeing you smile. Happiness looks good on you. I'm happy you're happy. 

Questions start when you're not happy. What's wrong? Are you sad? Are you angry? Why aren't you happy? What's wrong with your life? You have this... you have that... why aren't you greatful... there's no reason to be sad... People out there have it so much worse than you... You're not allowed to be sad... People out there are dying and you're crying for no reason... Stop being selfish... You're fine...

People are allowed to be sad. Comparing someone's pain to others pain, in no way lessons said persons pain. Oh you broke your arm? Well it doesn't hurt that bad because that person over there broke BOTH arms. Life and physical pain doesn't work like that, so why should emotional pain? Better yet, emotional and physical pain can not be compared on the same scale of "which is worse".

You want to be sad? Go for it. Be sad. Sadness is a complicated emotion that people always seem to have to answer to. Next time you're sad and don't want to tell anyone why (whether it be because you don't exactly know why or you just don't feel like sharing) then be sad and let your emotions out. It's okay and unless you want it to be people's business, it isn't. 

I'm sad right now and as much as it hurts and sucks, it's okay to feel things. We're human. We have bad days and good days and get sad over small things and and over big things. 

You know why? Because that's life.